Question: Alan, I have been out of work for 3 years. I am 44, and female. I feel more and more like I will not revive my career and in my last position I was a Director. I was able to secure a contract position as a Chief Marketing Officer, but that was only for 2.5 months because the company I was with went bankrupt and was acquired. I continue to have a good relationship with the former CEO of that company but have been unable to leverage that into a new role.

Sadly I am quite good at what I do, but I find myself out of money, out of ways to spin my reason for such a large employment gap. I had a stint in a retail job as a holiday seasonal employee, but even since then finding a job in retail has been difficult. The issue there seems to be my educational background and work history and “not needing the job as much as someone lesser educated or without having had a career like you did.”

What on earth am I to do? I am desperate to the point that I started lying on retail job applications (I stopped as I did not feel right about doing this – and realized it is cause for termination if I am found out.)

My dilemma is: Will I ever get hired again, at the level I should, or has the gap finished my career as I have another 2 year gap during the “dot com” bust?

Am I all washed up?

Unemployed, Disheartened and Underemployed
Orlando, Florida

Answer: Dear U, D and U: My heart goes out to you. Your predicament is palpable, and your sense of being overwhelmed is understandable. Permit me to offer a few thoughts that I hope will help:         

1. In difficult times, you need to focus on your core values. When it seems that winds are blowing you over, rain threatens to drown you, and lightning and thunder roar, the first question is: Where is safety? In the storms that threaten you, safety is to be found in your core values. What is most important to you . . . Is it Career? Family? Prestige? Health? Financial security? From an introspective review of your core values, you will inevitably begin to (a) see what is most important to you, and (b) find a path to or toward it. It may sound like pithy nonsense, but it is as simple as “Where do I want to go?” and “Then, what is the most direct way to get there?” I don’t pass judgment on other peoples’ core values. But I am uncomfortable with those who don’t take the time to decide, in truth, what it is that they want.

2. In the meantime, of course, you need to survive financially. I must admit that, while it is very easy for me to “preach” to you from afar, I do want you to know that I have been, in my more difficult years, what most people would call “near the bottom.” In those times I just picked a goal, and said to myself, “Come heck or high water, that is where I am headed.” Financially, times were so tight for me that when I look back, I shudder. But I made a plan, and I generally followed that plan – with plenty of detours, I must admit –  the harder times are now behind me.

In the meantime, though, I did have to put up with the discomfort and indignity of an excruciatingly frugal life, near monastic, in which coworkers made fun of my clothes, and a pocketful of coins – not bills – was my kind of financial security. Taking things day by day, dollar by dollar, at least in the meantime, is the way to get yourself through this difficult financial time, and back on financial footing. Don’t fret the discomfort and indignity: they will not last forever. 

3. Remember that all work is honorable, if done with dignity. Start wherever you can. Never, ever be ashamed of your job. Whether it is working as a companion to the infirm, a clerk in a dry cleaner, or as a cleaning person, the work you do is honorable if you do it with dignity. It is no crime, and it is no embarrassment, to be in difficult times. The crime and the embarrassment are in not taking on a task available to you that can help you survive financially. Part-time, live-in, temporary, or whatever, if a job puts food on the table, and keeps the lights turned on, it is entirely worthwhile. Self-reliance yields self-respect, no matter what may be the work you do.

4. In your circumstances, I don’t think it is truly wrong to “deflate” your resume or job history. As I have written before, while I almost always insist on “resume honesty,” in certain circumstances I believe “resume deflation” is a victimless offense, and so I condone it in certain circumstances. Your circumstances, in my view, qualify you as an acceptable candidate for “resume deflation” to keep you afloat. As to gaps in your employment history, I don’t see a downside to being frank and open about the difficulties you – and your employers – have had in this treacherous period in our economic lives. Don’t portray self-pity or fear of the truth: instead, project pride for being an amazing survivor.  

5. Forgive my optimism, but I am certain you will once again be hired for the job you deserve, if only you truly dedicate yourself to that goal. The more experience I have with working people, and it’s now over 30 years, the surer I become each day that (a) clarity as to core values, coupled with (b) determination and (c) dignity, will without question lead to (d) what you deserve. I have seen it 1,000 times. You really cannot keep a good man or woman down who knows what they want, who demands of themselves that they will – one day – get it, and who don’t see worn shoes or dirtied hands as a source of shame, but as a reason for pride.

6. And, too, you need to ensure you survive spiritually. While the body needs food, the soul needs its own source of nourishment. If you pray, consider praying for nothing but what I call “The Three S’s.” It is my custom to pray twice each day for just three things: (i) Strength, at least enough to contend with the demands of each day, (ii) Stamina, the continuing strength to maintain my efforts from one day to the next, and the next day after that, too, and (iii) Serenity, that inner calm that comes only from knowing I have “done my best to do my best” in everything I have done. It’s funny, but asking for only these three things – and not a winning lottery ticket – always ends with my prayers being answered.

If you do not pray, consider that special spirit within each of us that just refuses to give up, and is responsible for so many incredible feats of caring, courage and compassion. It is that special spirit that will keep you going forward, out of the storm and into the sun, that is within you, at all times. That special spirit is surely waiting for you, so simply tap into it and live by it. It goes by lots of names; no matter what you call it, it is there for you.      

Trust me, please: you are not “washed up.” Perhaps weary, and surely a little “weathered,” but your best days are absolutely ahead of you, so long as you are as convinced of that as I am.  

And, too, when you have pursued this path, and followed your goal, through thick and thin, you will surely look back with great pride. Freud said it pretty well: “In later years, when you look back, the times of greatest struggle will surely be remembered as the sweetest.”      

Very, Very Best,
Al Sklover

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© 2012 Alan L. Sklover, All Rights Reserved.

“God help the sheep when the wolf is the judge.”

- Danish Proverb

At work, never expect Human Resources or anyone else who works for management to be the judge of whether you have been treated fairly by management. Make an email record, insist on an independent review, perhaps bring your concern to the Board of Directors. But whatever you do, just never expect the wolf to refrain from eating the sheep. That would simply be unnatural.

© 2012 Alan L. Sklover. All Rights Reserved

“God could not be everywhere and
therefore he invented mothers.”

Jewish Saying

To every mother, grandmother, and great grand-mother out there, THANKS. Today is Your Day. It’s even named after you. In case anyone hasn’t said it to you yet, THANKS for all you do, all you’ve done, and for the zillions of things you will do tomorrow and the day after that, too . . .

© 2012 Alan L. Sklover All Rights Reserved. Commercial Use Prohibited.

Question: Hi, Alan, I’m a graduating student with hopes of starting a career. I worked the entire time I was in school in the related field making me appear to be well on my way.

The problem is, my former employer was my former wife and her family. When contacted they are refusing to acknowledge my employment, and even go so far as to tell people I was dishonest about my job title and responsibilities.

How do I go about being up front with this problem when looking for work? Do I simply eliminate it from my resume and attempt to start anew?

Jim
Phoenix, Arizona

Answer: Dear Jim: Your predicament is a tough one. I see it as a choice of two paths, and a sort of “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” I think that, overall, one of those two paths is preferable.

1. When preparing a resume, I strongly suggest honesty in all respects, with very few exceptions. I believe that “resume dishonesty” can be one of the most foolish things a person can do, because dishonest additions, mischaracterizations and omissions can hurt you for the rest of your life. Just last week, the CEO of Yahoo was in danger of losing his job due to “resume dishonesty” that took place years ago. Resume dishonesty is almost always viewed as “cause” for firing, no matter when it took place, and no matter how minor. All that said, there are times that I believe some degree of “resume dishonesty” is the wisest thing to do, given the circumstances and the options.

2. Personal matters, such as this one, are one of those exceptions. When family, personal or intimate relations are involved in the end of an employment relation, I often suggest a touch of “resume omission.” By that, I mean leaving out details that might be considered “TMI” or “too much information” by some. And sometimes I even suggest omitting the entire relation on a resume, if possible. Other examples of what I view to be permissible “resume omission” are the (i) precise reasons for resignations if the real reason is required to be kept confidential by confidentiality agreement, and (ii) precise reason for employment gaps that happened in order to recuperate from an illness if the nature of the illness may be embarrassing or quite personal. No one wants to hear anyone’s issues, problems or complaints about former spouses, former employers, or former spouses who were former employers, or their issues, problems or complaints about you. Sadly, many people say to themselves “It always takes two to tango,” even if one “side” of a problem is, in fact, entirely right and one “side” of that problem is entirely wrong.

3. I view “deflating” your resume – as opposed to “inflating” it – to be far less objectionable, and sometimes not objectionable at all. To my mind, leaving something off a resume is less objectionable than adding something to a resume that is not correct. I fully acknowledge that others see no difference between “resume inflation” and resume “deflation,” but I would disagree. “Resume inflation” to me connotes the word “dishonest” while “resume deflation” is closer to the word “discrete.” If, for example, you told a prospective employer you were a high school graduate, and you were really a high school graduate and also a college graduate, did you really “pull the wool over the eyes” of that prospective employer? I don’t think so. However, if you claimed to have a college degree and did not in fact have a college degree, I would find that to be clear dishonesty.

4. And, being that you have been in school, dropping your work experience during school is a far easier task. From what you have written, it seems to be the case that the work experience you are considering dropping from your resume took place while you were a student. Thus, if you “drop” it from your resume, you will not have to explain a resume gap. The time in question will be covered by the time you were in school, and studying.

5. It’s just possible that “deflating” your resume may help you in another way, too. I do acknowledge that you may be put at an unfair disadvantage in not being able to put down your relevant experience on your resume. It is a loss; I don’t think it will materially affect your career prospects. In fact, if you’ve ever heard the suggestion “Under-promise and Over-deliver,” you will know that your future employers will be quite surprised – and pleased – that a person with limited experience in your field does such great work. In this way, your inability to put your relevant work experience on your resume may actually end up being a “blessing in disguise.”

6. At the same time, you might consider being entirely “up front” about your experience, and your circumstances, but you will then be asking a prospective employer to take a risk most do not want to take. With all of this in mind, you might also consider the other “path,” that is, complete honesty as to what happened and your present circumstances. However, if you do so, you will be putting your prospective employer in a position to say to himself or herself, “Do I hire a dishonest person?” Gosh, not many people answer that question in the affirmative. It is up front, but I think it is self-defeating, too, and in this circumstance, I do not suggest it.

Jim, the fact that you are approaching this with your “mind wide open,” and considering the alternatives, is a great sign for your success in the future. So much of what we experience each day requires these kinds of analyses, and often in the spur of the moment. I would respect you no matter which “path” you may choose, but I want you to know that I would not at all disrespect you for “resume deflation” if that is the path you end up traveling.

Really good question; I hope the answer is helpful. Thanks for writing in. Please consider mentioning our blogsite to your friends and colleagues

My Very Best,
Al Sklover

P.S.: Don’t forget: we offer Model Letters, Checklists and Form Agreements for almost every workplace navigating and negotiating need you may have. Just [click here.]

Repairing the World –
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© 2012 Alan L. Sklover, All Rights Reserved.

Question: Alan, I filed a discrimination complaint against my employer with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (“EEOC”). Two weeks later, I was told “We are going to monitor your work performance now.” Though I never received a negative employment review, two months later, I was demoted. Then, a year later, I was fired for poor performance.

A friend of mine was treated this way also after she filed a complaint of harassment. I have proof of what was said to me about my work performance “going to be monitored.” Will this be enough to prove that what happened to me was retaliation?

M
Scotch Plains, New Jersey

Answer: Dear M: What happened to you sure sounds like retaliation. However, “sounds like” is not enough. More is required to  establish that retaliation took place. Here are my thoughts:        

1. To “prove” that retaliation took place, you need to establish that, in what happened to you, there can be found the three necessary elements of retaliation. To establish any legal claim, there are certain things that need to be proven. They are what lawyers and judges call “the elements” of the violation. To prove retaliation took place, the first thing you need to prove is that you engaged in an activity that is “protected” by law. In your case, that is easily proven, as your filing a claim with the EEOC is such a “protected” activity. The second thing that you need to establish for a retaliation claim is that you suffered a “negative employment action.” In your case, that is easily proven, as you were both demoted and fired, both of which are “negative employment actions.” The third element that needs to be proven is called “causal connection.”    

2. Of the three things you need to prove, the hardest one to prove is “causal connection.” “Causal connection” means that (a) your filing a claim of discrimination with the EEOC was the thing that “caused” (b) your demotion and firing. Of the three elements of retaliation that must be proven, this is the hardest one of the three, as it is “in the heart” of the employer. However, we can “prove” what was “in the heart of the employer” by a variety of facts, events and circumstances.  

3. Here are ten common things that are often used to lead to a conclusion that a “causal connection” was present that tied together (a) a discrimination claim and (b) a “negative employment action”: (1) closeness in time between the “protected activity” and the “negative employment action”; (2) if it was the same people who you complained about who were the ones who demoted and fired you; (3) your employer giving a false or incredible reason for your demotion or firing; (4) if you were demoted or fired for things that other people have done and have not been demoted or fired, that is, different treatment; (5) if your work performance or conduct was given scrutiny greater than your colleagues’ work performance or conduct was given; (6) if you were demoted or fired in violation of existing company policies or procedures; (7)  if efforts were made to confuse, obfuscate or cover up what really took place; (8) if one or more people involved in your demotion or firing admitted their motives to you or others; (9) if you were demoted or fired for mere trivial reasons; and (10) if it can be shown your employer has had a history of illegal retaliation. There are many, many others.

Note that these things do not “prove” retaliation, but they are strong indicators of retaliation, and when you can show that a few of them have taken place in your facts and circumstances, it is very convincing to others that retaliation was, in fact, “in your employer’s heart.” That is as close to “proving” as you can get, without an outright admission by your employer, which is as rare as a hen’s tooth.    

4. If and when you do establish a “basic” case (lawyers call it a “prima facie” case) of retaliation, then the employer might be able to defend itself if it can prove “good business reason.” For example, you might present a very compelling case of illegal retaliation, only to have your employer come up with a very good reason for, let’s say, your firing: it believes you stole money from a cash register. If that was true, and could be proven to be true, or likely so, then any claim you might have of illegal retaliation would surely and swiftly go “down the drain.” Sometimes, unfortunately, both “sides” have pretty convincing sets of facts, events and circumstances, and it can be hard to know who to believe.  

5. If you think you have even a few reasons to believe retaliation took place, I strongly suggest you file a second complaint with the EEOC and/or with the state discrimination agency in the state you worked, this one for retaliation, which is a more serious violation of law than the initial discrimination. In my experience, no “case” is perfect; each has its imperfections, its doubts, its weak points. If you believe that there is any real chance of convincing, say, your next door neighbor that what happened to you was the result of illegal retaliation, then I suggest you file a new complaint with the EEOC and/or with the state discrimination agency in the state you worked, of illegal retaliation. First, when the matter is investigated, more information may come out that might help prove your case. Second, many employers simply settle such matters when they see employees are serious about getting justice. Third, many people – perhaps most – suspect most employers of engaging in illegal retaliation. In fact, many jury members will admit that “employers are probably guilty” even before hearing a case, based on their own experiences.

Retaliation for exercising your legal rights is an awful thing, because what good are legal rights if people are afraid to exercise them? It is my hope that you will consider very seriously filing a retaliation claim, and that you will persevere in following it up.                                                                                                      

 My Very Best,
Al Sklover

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Repairing the World –
One Empowered and Productive Employee at a Time ™

© 2012 Alan L. Sklover, All Rights Reserved.