Published on June 12th, 2005 by Alan L Sklover
ACTUAL CASE HISTORY: Just as we now and then like to laugh at ourselves . . . we now and then like to remember the things that we hear our HR counterparts say that, well, make us laugh. With all due respect, and intending no harm, we offer these things we’ve actually heard HR representatives say in the course of Actual Case Histories we’ve been part of.
LESSON TO LEARN: “I’m from HR . . . and I’m here to help you.”
WHAT YOU CAN DO: Bear these in mind:
Top 10 Promises of Human Resources Representatives
10. It’s company policy . . . we never make exceptions, for anyone.
9. After your job elimination, we’ll do everything possible to help you find another job.
8. I’ve gone to bat for you . . . all the way to the top.
7. I know it says that, but that’s not what it really means.
6. You can be candid with me . . . it won’t go anywhere else.
5. There’s no need to get that in writing . . . you can rely on my word.
4. Just sign here, here and here. These are just standard company forms.
3. I can advise you about that document . . . you really don’t need to get a lawyer involved.
2. Just go ahead and sign this non-compete agreement . . . everyone knows they’re not enforceable.
1. Why would we do that? Our goal is to maximize people, not profits.
We have the most respect for HR professionals. It’s just that they sometimes say the darnedest things. Hope these weren’t too familiar . . . and made you smile. Remember that great Lily Tomlin saying, “No matter how cynical you get, it’s impossible to keep up with reality.”